Personal Perspective: I am NOT a Square!

Personal Perspective:
I am NOT a Square!

Elliot Reid

Do I have your attention yet? Not that attention is what I’m after, or perhaps it is.  Not in the typical sense.  Before this becomes too much of an incoherent babbling of utter nonsense, where I try to convince you why I’m not an attention seeking square, let me tell you what I mean.  When you think of the word “square” in relation to a person, what is the first thing you think of?  Is it the cult classic pop culture reference of an “L” “7” weenie from The Sandlot?  Is it the common depiction of one who is often considered nerdy or a geek? To ease your mind, it is none of the above.

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The Gender Identity Lexicon

The most recent issue of Oasis News shined the spotlight on gender identity and transgender awareness. Our therapists felt it was important to provide readers with useful knowledge, unique perspectives, and helpful resources on transgender and gender identity issues.  Whether a family member is transitioning, you have a friend who has gender identity issues, or you just want more information on the topic, we hope you find this information useful.  

The Gender Identity Lexicon
Nicole Friedman, Psy.D., CEDS

Language is a powerful tool that shapes our perceptions and significantly impacts the lens through which we interpret events in our world. Precise use of language, which is constantly changing, can demystify misperceptions about gender.  While this list is certainly not all inclusive, it begins to provide a basic understanding to facilitate more understanding and dialogue.

Agender: A newer term describing individuals who do not have a gender and/or have a gender that they describe as neutral.

Bigender: Refers to those individuals that identify as having two genders.

Cisgender: People whose sex assignment is congruent with their gender identity and expression.

Gender: Is a term wherein society deems someone as either male or female. Gender is socially constructed and not necessarily the same as one’s biological sex.

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Peaceful Eating: Creating Calm Throughout the Holidays

christie-caggiani2
Christie Caggiani, RDN, LDN, CEDRD

We have arrived at holiday season. Here we are.

Breathe.

This time of year is fraught with crazy busy schedules, high expectations, traditions, emotions, exhaustion….and food is often central to all of it. But does food need to add more confusion, or can it actually help us create some peace, balance and sanity during this festive time?

It is my belief and experience as a nutrition therapist that we often interact with and respond to food as a reflection of the way we “do life”. So if food is our Life on a Plate, then it’s no wonder we feel overwhelmed with food choices when we enter this intense, calendar-packed time of the year. Can we celebrate, be fulfilled and feel joy – both with food and our holiday experiences?

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Detachment in Love

“In true love, you attain freedom.  When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love.  If the opposite is true, it is not true love.” 

Thich Nhat Hanh, True Love

unnamedIt’s no secret that romantic relationships are complicated.  So many of us strive for perfect relationships based on unrealistic standards, or love out of familiar family patterns.  We may find ourselves feeling stuck in our relationships – mindlessly living day by day in unhappiness or feeling trapped by our partner’s expectations.  With so much relationship advice floating around, how do we find the right tools to cultivate true love in our own lives?

When clients seek me out for relationship guidance, I explain attachment versus detachment.  In unhealthy relationships, partners are attached to each other.  Partners may be unclear as to what keeps them connected, and might be fearful, jealous, or afraid of being alone.  Symptoms might include constant bickering, insecurity, or jealously.  Partners may attempt to regulate each other, or project issues onto their partner.  Codependency may be the foundation of the relationship.

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Meditation on College Campuses

Asia Adams, Staff Writer

Take projects, presentations, term papers and exams, throw in a job, and then add family and social life to the equation, and you have a recipe for lots of stress. I know – I was there over a year and half ago! With an increasing number of demands on college students, it’s no wonder many of them are seeking ways to reduce the harmful effects of stress on both mind and body.

Putting aside a little bit of quiet time each week to recharge and focus on something other than schoolwork is important, and this is where meditation comes in. It’s free, can be done virtually anywhere, anytime, and is highly effective. What more could a college student want from a practice?

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Learning to be the Expert of Your Own Body

Learning to be the Expert of Your Own Body

Stephanie-Burstein
Stephanie Burstein, MFT, Registered Intern, Child & DBT Coach

We live in a society filled with mixed messages about body image, health, and what loving ourselves truly means – it can be overwhelming!  How do we navigate the confusion and learn how to be experts of our own bodies?  What does it take to deconstruct social myths about health, replacing fallacies with a greater understanding that each body is unique and wonderfully different? 

Luckily, there is an organization dedicated to teaching others how to have healthy relationships with their bodies.  The Body Positive, based in California, empowers individuals through trainings and public awareness.  This past month, I was thrilled to participate in The Body Positive’s professional training at Florida Atlantic University.  Participants learned about the Core Competencies of Intuitive Health Model, found in the organization’s book, embody: Learning to Love Your Unique Body (and quiet that critical voice!).  I am excited to share what I learned and hope you embark on your own journey towards body acceptance.  The following competencies can stand alone, but when combined they create an enormous feeling of empowerment and positive change.   Here is my take on each competency:

(1) Reclaiming Health

Working at the Oasis has taught me to take an intuitive and mindful approach to life.  By developing a mindfulness practice that has helped me identify my body’s needs, I have embraced a health-centered approach to self-care versus society’s weight-centered tactics.

(2) Practice Intuitive Self-Care

Self-care is not a cookie cutter process – it’s about listening to your body’s needs, not what society thinks you need.  My intuitive self-care routine varies from movement to creativity.  If I am feeling restless at my computer, I will walk.  Intuitive self-care helps you cultivate a more authentic version of yourself.

(3) Cultivate Self-Love

Learning to love yourself will help you discover self-compassion.  Self-compassion means practicing care and understanding for ourselves, and providing validation when things don’t go our way.  The more self-compassion and love we have for ourselves, the more likely we are to take chances and make life-affirming choices.

(4) Declare Authentic Beauty

Once we have cultivated self-love, we open ourselves to authentic beauty.  Authentic beauty means that we are able to see others and ourselves from a compassionate perspective rather than society’s perspective of superficial beauty.  We are able to appreciate our own beauty for its uniqueness.

(5) Build a Community

This competency espouses finding people who share your vision of self-compassion and health.  Individually, we may find it difficult to change the media and society, but together we are able to empower each other by creating a community where principles of self-love and compassion take precedence over harsh judgments.

I look forward to incorporating The Body Positive’s core competenticies into my life, both personally and professionally.  For more information,  visit thebodypositive.org.

Let’s Color! Adult Coloring Books for Mindfulness

Asia Adams, Staff Writer

Secret GardenColoring books aren’t just for kids anymore!  During a recent trip to Barnes & Noble, I was surprised to come across an aisle consisting entirely of adult coloring books.  Until then, I didn’t know that such a thing existed, let alone what a fan of them I was about to become!  I ended up walking out with Secret Garden by Johanna Basford in hand.  Bursting with intricate floral designs, the book has proven to be a tremendously therapeutic, and dare I way, easy way to incorporate mindfulness into my daily life.  I’ve pulled it out on numerous occasions; to pass the time on long flights, when I wanted to divert my attention from a stressful situation to a more pleasant one, and when I was simply in need of a creative outlet.  For those who just can’t seem to get into a yoga or meditation practice, these coloring books may be an enjoyable way to experience mindfulness in daily living.

Early Morning Movement by Anni Johnston, MS, LMHC, BC-DMT

Anni Johnston1

Our lives can be so busy that we can burst past opportunities to enjoy the “slow moments” of our lives.  The first moments upon waking are such an opportunity.  Rather than jump out of bed and get moving straight away, why not try the following body-focused techniques to promote greater peace, gratitude, and centeredness in your day.  Done together or as you please on a daily basis, it can change the way you relate to loved ones, your work, and yourself.

First thing even before opening your eyes, try taking a few moments to place your hands upon your uppper chest and notice your beating heart and moving lungs.  This is a way to connect to the wisdom that pulses through you all day, every day.  Before moving your hands, try focusing on those things for which you feel gratitude, big or small, and allow this sense of gratitude to permeate your chest.  The same approach can be taken with the diaphragm (the soft area just below your rib cage).  Let your hands rest very gently here and notice the ease at which your breath moves through your body.  A beautiful meditation option is to bring into focus small ways in which you have received gifts, support, or unexpected good events.

You can take the time to do some simple stretches even before you leave the bed.  Of course if you still have a sleeping spouse or partner, you might choose to do these on a carpet, but if you’re able, it can feel quite luxurious to stretch while still cozy in bed!  Here are some ideas – pick one or two, or do the whole sequence:

• Circle your feet, first in one direction, then in the other.  Repeat this with your hands.

• Stretch your arms above your head while simultaneously stretching your feet away from your hips. Hold this for a few moments, then repeat.

• Let your head turn all the way to the right, then extend the left arm at an angle away from the shoulder joint.  Repeat on the other side.

• Bring your knees up into a tent position; let them fall to the right and then twist the upper torso to the left.  Hold this for a few moments.  Repeat on the other side.

• Prop your upper torso up upon your elbows and let your head hang backwards while opening up your chest, follow this with laying flat again and curling your knees into your chest.

• End with some invigorating breaths such as “breath of fire”.  While keeping your mouth closed, breathe deeply and vigorously, emphasizing the navel contracting strongly towards the spine.  15-25 is plenty to energize you, but you may add another sequence if you are feeling sluggish.

These are some simple suggestions for interjecting new ways for self-care.  As always, honor the limits of the body and approach these as gifts you can give yourself.  Enjoy!

Summer Reading: No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering

No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering by Thich Nhat Hanh
Sara Goldstein, Staff Writer

The date was Saturday, May 9th, 2015. After my first experience with Dr. Shutt’s Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction silent retreat, I immediately drove to Barnes & Noble in search of more literature to keep me inspired. In retrospect, this was not the wisest decision. My car, under the influence of my relaxed mind, glided down Military Trail. As I pulled into the chaotic parking lot, I realized that I was not ready to overwhelm my brain with sensations.   There were too many lights, sounds, and people to navigate.

I gravitated toward the religious shelves and stood before Buddhism. My fingers brushed against Pema Chodron, Deepak Chopra and many titles with the word “zen”, stopping at Thich Nhat Hanh. Thich (pronounced like the word tick) is an old favorite of mine. There are countless titles to choose, spanning several decades and many different subjects. Like No Mud, No Lotusa shark drawn to a shiny object, I picked up No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering. The exterior is beautiful, but the words inside are even more exquisite.

Many of us have made it our mission to avoid emotional and physical discomfort. Readers are challenged to accept their suffering, inviting in all unpleasant experiences rather than trying to avoid them through consumption, addiction, or denial. In clear and comforting prose, Hanh explains how we are able to blossom from difficult experiences. The book invites readers to look at their suffering through practicing mindfulness. Many mindfulness techniques are outlined, including breathing meditation, mantras, metta (compassion) meditation, and incorporating mindfulness into daily activities.

No Mud, No Lotus was the perfect companion to my MBSR training. Since it is a quick read, I purposefully slowed down – only allowing myself one chapter per day. As with all of Thich Nhat Hanh’s books, I felt like I was having a quiet conversation with a good friend. I imagined a soft-spoken voice reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s introductory quote: “Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus flower without the mud.” This book brought me gratitude for all of the mud that has helped transform me.

Got FATTITUDE?

In May, Team Oasis had the pleasure of meeting Lindsey Averill, feminist activist, scholar, and filmmaker.  Averill, a PhD candidate at Florida Atlantic University, is currently working on her first documentary.  Fattitude explores representations of overweight people in popular culture, which often include unflattering stereotypes, discrimination, and ridicule. Through interviews with scholars and activists, Fattitude reveals to viewers that every body is worthy of love, pleasure, and acceptance.

Ms. Averill shared the Fattitude trailer, as well as unreleased clips.  After viewing, we spoke passionately about the objectification of women’s bodies, the false correlation between thinness and health, and even fatkinis.  It was evident to all in attendance that cultural perceptions of body image need to be examined and discussed openly, regardless of the reactions of others.

Fattitude is an ambitious project currently in its post-production stages.  Fundraising efforts have already generated over $44,000; however, costs have proven to be higher than anticipated.  Here is what we ask of you:

  1. View the trailer at:  http://www.fattitudethemovie.com/
  2. Help spread the word!  Discuss Fattitude with friends, family, and co-workers.
  3. Follow Fattitude on Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.
  4. If you feel compelled to give, make a tax-deductible donation.

Just this past weekend, body shaming made national news.  We cannot wait for Fattitude to change minds and hearts.  What are your thoughts?