Detachment in Love

“In true love, you attain freedom.  When you love, you bring freedom to the person you love.  If the opposite is true, it is not true love.” 

Thich Nhat Hanh, True Love

unnamedIt’s no secret that romantic relationships are complicated.  So many of us strive for perfect relationships based on unrealistic standards, or love out of familiar family patterns.  We may find ourselves feeling stuck in our relationships – mindlessly living day by day in unhappiness or feeling trapped by our partner’s expectations.  With so much relationship advice floating around, how do we find the right tools to cultivate true love in our own lives?

When clients seek me out for relationship guidance, I explain attachment versus detachment.  In unhealthy relationships, partners are attached to each other.  Partners may be unclear as to what keeps them connected, and might be fearful, jealous, or afraid of being alone.  Symptoms might include constant bickering, insecurity, or jealously.  Partners may attempt to regulate each other, or project issues onto their partner.  Codependency may be the foundation of the relationship.

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Let’s Color! Adult Coloring Books for Mindfulness

Asia Adams, Staff Writer

Secret GardenColoring books aren’t just for kids anymore!  During a recent trip to Barnes & Noble, I was surprised to come across an aisle consisting entirely of adult coloring books.  Until then, I didn’t know that such a thing existed, let alone what a fan of them I was about to become!  I ended up walking out with Secret Garden by Johanna Basford in hand.  Bursting with intricate floral designs, the book has proven to be a tremendously therapeutic, and dare I way, easy way to incorporate mindfulness into my daily life.  I’ve pulled it out on numerous occasions; to pass the time on long flights, when I wanted to divert my attention from a stressful situation to a more pleasant one, and when I was simply in need of a creative outlet.  For those who just can’t seem to get into a yoga or meditation practice, these coloring books may be an enjoyable way to experience mindfulness in daily living.

Summer Reading: No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering

No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering by Thich Nhat Hanh
Sara Goldstein, Staff Writer

The date was Saturday, May 9th, 2015. After my first experience with Dr. Shutt’s Mindfulness Based Stress Reduction silent retreat, I immediately drove to Barnes & Noble in search of more literature to keep me inspired. In retrospect, this was not the wisest decision. My car, under the influence of my relaxed mind, glided down Military Trail. As I pulled into the chaotic parking lot, I realized that I was not ready to overwhelm my brain with sensations.   There were too many lights, sounds, and people to navigate.

I gravitated toward the religious shelves and stood before Buddhism. My fingers brushed against Pema Chodron, Deepak Chopra and many titles with the word “zen”, stopping at Thich Nhat Hanh. Thich (pronounced like the word tick) is an old favorite of mine. There are countless titles to choose, spanning several decades and many different subjects. Like No Mud, No Lotusa shark drawn to a shiny object, I picked up No Mud, No Lotus: The Art of Transforming Suffering. The exterior is beautiful, but the words inside are even more exquisite.

Many of us have made it our mission to avoid emotional and physical discomfort. Readers are challenged to accept their suffering, inviting in all unpleasant experiences rather than trying to avoid them through consumption, addiction, or denial. In clear and comforting prose, Hanh explains how we are able to blossom from difficult experiences. The book invites readers to look at their suffering through practicing mindfulness. Many mindfulness techniques are outlined, including breathing meditation, mantras, metta (compassion) meditation, and incorporating mindfulness into daily activities.

No Mud, No Lotus was the perfect companion to my MBSR training. Since it is a quick read, I purposefully slowed down – only allowing myself one chapter per day. As with all of Thich Nhat Hanh’s books, I felt like I was having a quiet conversation with a good friend. I imagined a soft-spoken voice reading Thich Nhat Hanh’s introductory quote: “Most people are afraid of suffering. But suffering is a kind of mud to help the lotus flower of happiness grow. There can be no lotus flower without the mud.” This book brought me gratitude for all of the mud that has helped transform me.

Book Review – “Beautiful You” by Rosie Molinary

Beautiful You by Rosie Molinary

Asia Adams, Staff Writer

Beautiful You is unlike any personal growth book I’ve ever read.  While I’ve found that others tend to be repetitive, even cliché at times, this book delivers a fresh approach, and I am grateful to have come across it.  From the first page, I was hooked.  With 365 prompts for journaling all falling under the umbrella of acceptance and appreciation for oneself, it is wonderful for those seeking a short, daily read.  It is practical in that it only requires a few minutes a day, and at the same time, provides more than enough material to leave me feeling affected (in the best way possible), and satisfied.  My favorite prompts so far? Day 2: Pledge Allegiance to Yourself and Day 28: Stop Comparing.  I give Beautiful You two thumbs up, as it has resonated quite well with me.  It provides the perfect means for daily self-reflection, and is quite literally an innovative how-to guide for boosting a healthy sense of self, while decreasing self-deprecation.  Every minute that I spend with it in hand is truly time well spent.

Looking for more?  Attend the Art Journaling class on Fridays at Sacred Treehouse from 11:00 a.m.  – 12:00 p.m.